I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
