i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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