quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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