Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
