i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
