please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Randomize
