i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
