i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
