found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
