She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
