dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am naked and annoyed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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