to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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