I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
