are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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