i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
