This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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