At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
