At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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