Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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