I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
