my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
