uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
