Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
