exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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