I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
