I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
