Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
