Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
