I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
