I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
