Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
