On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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