went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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