you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
