I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
