i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
