On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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