sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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