Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
