My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm way too hungover for life right now
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
