You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
