the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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