did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
