Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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