I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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