Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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