I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
