You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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