somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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