Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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