so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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