i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
