all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
